Wipeout

Forget the government shutdown. Forget Obama Care. Forget Congress (who?). The real tragedy being hidden from the American public is toilet paper. We are being ripped off daily, one sheet at a time. This is a problem we cannot easily put behind us. You have to hand it to the manufacturers who have perpetrated this sneaky maneuver, hoping we will overlook their new profit strategy. What is this travesty?  Have you taken a look lately at that roll hanging next to you?  Still looks like the big fluffy product you have been buying for years, right?  WRONG!!  These greedy corporations have shrunk the amount of paper we get, while raising prices. Wait, you say, the roll looks the same to you…That’s what I thought until I compared an old roll to a new one. The new ones are just as big AROUND as they were before, but they have trimmed the edge by a full quarter-inch. Are you outraged?  I am. Come on people, are we going to take this sitting down?  Did our hands (or our tush) suddenly become smaller?  Is this a result of some survey that said toilet paper is too wide, let’s shrink it down?  I don’t think so.

I am proposing a nationwide buyers protest. Let’s not buy one more roll, until they restore that missing quarter-inch.  I know this could get really sticky, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Let’s go back to the good old days of corn cobs, large leaves, and the Sears & Roebuck Catalogue (do they still mail those out?).  If we all push together, we can wipe out this crappy problem, or at least wash our hands of the whole mess.

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Richard Allan Jones is the author of the comedy adventure novel, “Drafted,” and the soon to be released political thriller “Party Favors.

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