A “Sixties” 12 days of Christmas

(Sung to the traditional tune)

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, herpes and a tiny cold sore; carolers

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes, and a tiny cold sore;

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, five gold Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, six hookers a laying, five gold Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, seven Olympians a swimming, six hookers a laying, five gold Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eight milkshakes from In & Out, seven Olympians a swimming, six hookers a laying, five gold Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, nine go-go dancers dancing, eight milkshakes from In & Out, seven Olympians a swimming, six hookers a laying, five golden Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, ten west Hollywood guys a leaping, nine go go dancers dancing, eight milkshakes from In & Out, seven Olympians a swimming, six hookers a laying, five golden Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Ian Anderson a piping, ten west Hollywood guys a leaping, nine go-go dancers dancing, eight milkshakes from In & Out, seven Olympians a swimming, six hookers a laying, five golden Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore;

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Ringo Starr a drumming, Ian Anderson a piping, ten west Hollywood guys a leaping, nine go-go dancers dancing, eight milkshakes from In & Out, seven Olympians a swimming, six hookers a laying, five golden Krugerrand coins, four used calling cards, three French ticklers, two chocolate turtle candies, herpes and a tiny cold sore.

Now I’m in the spirit…let’s wrap presents and watch Christmas movies!

*  *  *

Richard Allan Jones is the author of the comedy-adventure, “Drafted,” on amazon.com

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