Tips for Wearing a ‪Kilt‬ for the First Time

I present the following as a public service message for those who wanted to know but were afraid to ask.

Tips for wearing a kilt for the first time:    kilt-3

  1. Try to practice sitting, standing up, doing deep knee bends, picking up the pencil you dropped, and even getting in and out of a car.
  2. When you sit down make sure the front of your kilt falls between your legs to avoid embarrassment for anyone facing you. Warning! Don’t let your hand linger too long.
  3. When you stand up, sweep your hand over the back of your kilt to make sure the pleats are flat and no one has stolen your wallet.
  4. It is a good idea to make sure your sporran is weighted down. This is critical! Most sporting goods stores offer a wide choice of sporran weights in several sizes and colors.
  5. If a woman asks you if anything is worn under the kilt, you should respond, “Nay Lass, everything is as good as it ever was.”
  6. If you embarrass easily, you might want to wear your kilt with opaque tights or thigh-high socks with a tassel.
  7. Only wear on special occasions, like a wedding, while performing Hamlet, sale at Macy’s, Renaissance Fairs, or casual Fridays at work.
  8. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy all the attention you will get!

*   *   *

Richard Allan Jones is the author of the comedy/adventure, “Drafted” (amazon.com) and the upcoming thriller, “Identity Check.”

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