Thanksgiving Thanks From Around the World…

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benjamin-franklinWell, it’s #Thanksgiving in America, where both the turkey and the people around the table get stuffed. We aren’t the only country to celebrate this Holiday. It’s also observed in Canada, a few Caribbean islands, and Liberia (Where the heck is Liberia and how did they get in on the action?). Canada gets the jump on us by celebrating in October. That’s why starting November 1, you see so many turkeys migrating north. Still, we manage to capture and eat 46 million of the birds in one day! Not bad for a fowl once proposed by Benjamin Franklin as the “national bird.” If he had been successful we might be eating eagles on this day…NOT!

The holiday originated with the Pilgrims, I’m told, who were giving thanks for making it safely across the ocean to the new world and not starving to death…mainly because the Indians (now called Native Americans by everyone except the tribes themselves) welcomed them and shared their food. We repaid them by taking over their county…bet they regret that original instinct to help.

Thanksgiving in the USA is also associated with hours of American asleep TVfootball on the telly while the family sits around facing the screen…sound asleep. Oddly enough football is played with a pigskin…I wonder if they ever thought of substituting a turkey skin or having Americans eat BBQ pulled pork on this day.

 

As we all give thanks today for the positive things in our life, I wanted to share with you an amazing stack of letters I discovered where folks around the world shared what they are thankful for on this day, November 23, 2017. Here are some of my favorites:

  • Washington DC Interns wrote they are thankful Bill is not back in the White House.
  • The Pope wrote he was grateful they finally made the communion wafers sugar free.
  • Putin wrote he was happy his official Kremlin portrait showed him shirtless.
  • Kim Jong-il is happy Amazon finally shipped him the four-inch shoe lifts he order on Prime.
  • The media is thrilled they are no longer required to confirm sources or stories or report both sides of an issue and can say whatever they damn well please without repercussion.
  • Roy Moore is thankful for his favorite song, “Thank Heavens for Little Girls.”
  • Los Angeles is grateful for all the parade permit money they get from protest marches.
  • Anthony Wiener is grateful for the Internet.
  • Hollywood is not pleased to be named the sexual harassment capitol of the world but in an effort to recognize the problem plan to put clothes on the Oscar, Golden Globes and SAG awards statues.
  • Congress is grateful to still have a job despite not showing up for work in more than ten years.
  • Mark Elliot Zuckerberg is very pleased with the millions of rubles he received from overseas advertising during the 2016 election campaign.
  • Charlie Rose is thankful for see thru shower sliding doors.

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Richard Allan Jones is an author, actor and musician living in Los Angeles…

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Theatre Review — Hamilton (National Tour)

Instructions: Read out loud in a “rap” style; white people pretend it’s a poem (except for EMINEM and Vanilla Ice). With apologies to Lin-Manuel Miranda…

Last night I took a trip to the Pantages, bought a ticket to a show; handed over half my wages

took a seat inside, excitement was contagious, as I flipped through my program’s pages

The lights went down, audience started to stir when out on the stage walked Aaron Burr

We listened closely as he started rappin, didn’t want to miss a thing, about what was happenin

then he introduced us to a native son, a man called Alexander Hamilton

From the Carribean, a bastard clear, daddy walked out, mama died holding him near

Had to escape, use his charms, in New York City, he heard the call to arms

Freedom was the cry from Laurens and Lafayette, joined by Burr and Mulligan, against the British threat

Washington with Hamilton by his side fought the bloody British and turned the tide

Born a new nation, like an infant it cried, as the founding fathers looked on with pride.

…and that was only Act One.

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The costumes were great, the set inspiring, the orchestra top notch, the dancers never tiring

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choreography on its toes, (who knows how they moved so gracefully in those heavy clothes)

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Too many actors to name them all by name, so I pick out a few who brought their A game

Rory O’Malley as King George always made us laugh…

Jordon Donica (Lafayette and Jefferson), tall as a giraffe, brought his characters to life with aplomb and panache…

Rubin Carbajal (John/Philip) got to die in Act One and Act Two, he played it so real we all got blue…

Joshua Henry (Aaron Burr) started the show, hero, and a villain, he rapped a different tune, then spent most of the show, envious of Hamilton and wanting to be “in the room”…

Isaiah Johnson (Washington), played frustrated but strong, defeated the British and became the father of our country where he belonged…

Ah, the ladies, Amber Iman (Peggy/Maria) and Solea Pfeiffer (Eliza Hamilton) brought sympathy, sophistication, and class, rapping with the best of them, and beat boxing with sass…

Finally, Michael Luwoye played with intensity/layers the star of the show, my recommendation? If you get a chance, I’d go…

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Richard Allan Jones is an actor, musician, and author from Los Angeles, California.

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Lost Words (and phrases)–Part Two

My last blog on this subject turned out to be quite popular, so I decided to do a follow up with even more USA words/phrases that have gone the way of the Dodo bird… What did I miss? You have a chance at the end to add your own…

Dollars to Doughnuts

Happier Than a Pig in Slop

I Like Ike

Tippecanoe and Tyler Too

Bite the Bullet

Blood is Thicker Than Water

Cat Got Your Tongue?

Eat Humble Pie

Hirsute

Kick the Bucket

Run Amok

Hit Me Daddy Eight Beats to the Bar

Beat Feet

Five Finger Discount

Drop a Dime

Woody

Zits

Slam Book

Skank

Hickey

Chinese Firedrill

Long Green

Cruisin’ for a bruisin’

Get Bent

Knuckle Sandwich

Rag Top

Spaz

Threads

Up Your Wazoo

Take a Power

Gobbledygook

Fuddy-Duddy

Chrome-dome

Above My Pay Grade

Licorice Stick

Keister

Gat

What would you like to add?

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Rich Allan is the author of the novels “Drafted” and “Identity Check”  available on amazon.com. Looking for bloggers who like to review books!

Lost Words (and phrases)

I just read an article sent to me by a high school friend that talked about American words and phrases that are no longer around. It occurred to me that us older folks get made fun of a lot for not knowing today’s jargon, but I wondered how many millennials would know what the following words/phrases really mean. See how many you know and in the comment section feel free to add more that you remember!

After while, crocodile

Beehive (hairdo)

Better dead than Red

Better to be pissed off than pissed on

Bib and Tucker

Carbon copy

Does Howdy Doody have a wooden ass?

Don’t forget to pull the chain

Don’t take any wooden nickels

Don’t touch that dial

Drop dead gorgeous

Easier than shooting fish in a barrel

Fedoras

Fiddlesticks

Going like sixty

Funny as a screen door on a submarine

Heavens to Betsy

Gee Whillikers

Heavens to Murgatroyd

More _______ than Carter has liver pills

Holy Cow

Holy Moley

Hung out to dry

Hunky Dory

In like Flynn

Living the life of Riley

Knucklehead

It’s your nickel.

Jalopy

Jeepers Creepers

Jumping Jehoshaphat

Kilroy was here

Knee high to a grasshopper

Knickers

Knock your socks off

Meaner than a junkyard dog

Mimeograph

Moxie

Name your poison

Nincompoop

No atheists in foxholes

Oh, my aching back

Pageboy

Patsy

Payphone

Pedal Pushers.

Peepers

Pill  (as in don’t be a)

Not for all the tea in China

Poodle Skirts

Pshaw

Saddle Shoes

See ya later, alligator

See you in the funny papers

Shortwave

Slicker than snot

Slide Rule

Snipe Hunt

Southpaw

Spats

Specs

Spindel

Straighten up and fly right

Swell

Taken for a ride

The milkman did it

This is a fine kettle of fish

Transistor Radio

Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle

White Bucks

Whoopsie-daisies

You sound like a broken record

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Rich Allan is the author of the novels “Drafted” and “Identity Check”  available on amazon.com. Looking for bloggers who like to review books!

7 Wonders of the Ancient World (and other really old stuff)

No, I wasn’t talking about myself, I was thinking about our journey to Egypt back in 1984. As 2016 comes to a close and I approach the “mature” age of 70, it seems like a long time on this earth (although somebody said 70 is the new 50….but if that were true 20-year-olds would not have been born yet).

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But the pyramids are over 5000 years old, built before the birth of Christ, before the dark ages or age of enlightenment, before pop tarts were invented. I’m talking really old!

Still one of my favorite trips, in one day I visited a Jewish temple founded by Abraham on the spot where Moses stood; a church where Mary hid with the baby Jesus to escape the Romans; and the Muslim great Mosque of Muhammad Ali Pasha or Alabaster Mosque History came alive!

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We were lucky enough to not only see the great pyramid of Giza, but also Karnak, Valley of the Kings, and formidable Abu Simbel (Ramses II), saved from the Aswan Dam when they blocked the Nile river.

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As we all look forward to the promise of a new year, it’s good to reflect on how far we have come (including that awful sophomore photo in your high school annual).

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Richard Allan Jones is a Musician, Actor, and Author of the comic adventure, “Drafted,” the second edition just released on Kindle. https://www.amazon.com/Drafted-Richard-Jones-ebook/dp/B01M2BDY7F.

 

Ten Reasons Hillary Clinton Is Qualified For President

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As we head into the home stretch of the 2016 presidential election, I thought it important to take a close look at the two leading candidates and review their qualifications for the highest office in the good old U.S.A. Today let’s begin with the democratic nominee, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

  1. She is already very aware of all the secrets of the White House, including the alarm code, the location of the kitchen, how to board up the Kennedy Room to keep Bill out, where they hide the official stationary, and how to plan the menus for State Dinners.
  2. She has eight years experience as a US Senator from New York, a state she knew little about before she moved there to get elected (knowing it could never happen in Illinois or Arkansas). She got three major bills passed that she sponsored — naming a historic site, a post office, and a road, proving she is very good at naming things.
  3. She has four years international experience as Secretary of State under Obama (if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em). Continuing her hawkish ways in the Senate, where she voted to approve the war in Afganistan and for the Iraq resolution, she advocated the US military intervention in Libya, thereby achieving the trifecta of annoying most of the middle east. Adding to her international experience, Mrs. Clinton also has vacationed out of the US several times, called a friend in Rome once, and has a preference for French perfume.
  4. As First Lady in Arkansas, she learned all about southern cooking and can prepare homemade grits, roadkill, hog jowls, and collard greens without throwing up. If the presidential thing doesn’t work out she could open a restaurant in Hope called Monica’s Cafe.
  5. She is very smart about technology. As a Federal employee, she managed to set up private messaging system software and a private server that violated State Department protocols and procedures, and federal laws and regulations governing recordkeeping requirements and send unsecured secret messages for four years without getting caught. She also holds the Donkey Kong record score on the Secretary of State’s office PS-4.
  6. She is an author of five books and an experienced public speaker to corporations and Wall Street earning her thousands of dollars personally and in campaign funds (again she will be okay financially if the presidential and restaurant things don’t work out). A side benefit — as a writer she can compose her own acceptance speech, as well as her annual state of the union speeches, and fireside chats, thereby saving her and the taxpayer money, which can be applied to the increasing costs of Obama Care.
  7. She is a lawyer and will be able to represent herself in any future legal cases of violating Federal/state laws and or constitution issues, like abolishing the second amendment. Another cost savings for the taxpayer to counteract the millions of dollars going to fund liberal programs of supporting illegal immigrants with free education, medical care, welfare and 50% off coupons to Taco Bell.
  8. She is a “mature” woman, so taxpayers don’t have to worry about paying for six weeks of maternity leave (although she is already receiving social security payments, from a dwindling resource).
  9. She will get rid of Homeland Security so we can open up our borders to any and all people who want to come to this country without a passport or background check, giving them Federal jobs, a reasonable $100,000 stipend each to help them relocate, a get out of jail free card, and a lifetime subscription to the magazine, Terrorist International.
  10. Although claiming not to understand Bernie’s “socialism” or “religious” views, she still admires the man’s hippy protesting roots, because she and Bill were young and idealistic once in college. She plans to pardon Bernie if she is elected and not send him to Guantanamo to be with all his other comrades.bill and hillary

Please recognize the ten comments above are purely my personal opinion, are based on little to no facts, and do not reflect the opinions of management. They are presented in an attempt at humor and to bring a smile to your face if you are not a Democrat, any of the persons named, or a member of Congress. I plan to give equal time to lampooning Donald Trump…right after the election.

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Richard Allan Jones is the author of the adventure/comedy novel Drafted which is available at amazon.com and the upcoming political thriller, Identity Check.

Oscars 2016

oscarOkay…prepare to disagree…but the #Oscars are designed to recognize the world’s best performances in the best films regardless of skin color, age, political leanings or religion. The process is far from perfect but it is supposed to be the opinions of a qualified group of people in the entertainment business. It is obvious that the Academy voters today are no longer proportionately representative of the entertainment community or the US at large.
For the record, the US population is roughly divided with 64% European-Americans; 16% Hispanic-Americans; 12% African-Americans; and 5% Asian-Americans.
There were only two Americans last night who won individual Oscars–Leo DiCaprio and Brie Larson. The other six individual Oscars went to Mexico (Alejandro and Emmanuel); Britain (Mark and Jenny); Sweden (Alicia); and Italy (Ennio). That seems pretty diverse to me, although African and Asian-Americans were not represented.
Oh, you meant only in the nominated actor categories?
Okay, here is the list (Note only 9 out of 20 are Americans):
Bryan Cranston–American
Matt Damon–American
Leo DiCaprio*–American
Michael Fassbender–German/Irish
Eddie Redmayne–British
Christian Bale–British
Tom Hardy–British
Mark Ruffalo–American
Mark Rylance*–British
Sly Stalone–American
Cate Blanchett–British
Brie Larson*–American
Jennifer Lawrence–American
Charlotte Rampling–British
Saoirse Ronan–Irish
Jennifer Jason Leigh–American
Rooney Mara–American
Rachel McAdams–Canadian
Alicia Vikander*–Swedish
Kate Winslet–British
I didn’t mind the upfront statements addressing the issue of minority representation, well justified. But when it continued the entire show, rather than highlight the issue it turned into more of an entitlement statement. We all have faced bias…wrong color, age, weight, speech, etc. but I would hate for us to return to the days of quotas where demographics outweigh qualifications in any field.
We will never all agree on the choices made by the Academy…like when will they pick performances and films that people have actually seen? Sorry if your favorites didn’t get nominated or win, but to steal a saying from the sports world…there’s always next year.
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Bus. Casual Web Head_MP_8831Richard Allan Jones is a frustrated actor, a member of the Screen Actors Guild and author of the comedy-adventure novel, DRAFTED.