IRS “Search & Destroy” Squad Announced

May 20, 2013, Washington D.C.                                                                                                                    Image

For Immediate Release—

The President has announced the appointment of Will “no stone unturned” Johnston as head of the new “search and destroy” IRS squad. In explaining the rational of creating yet more bureaucracy in Washington, the chief executive said, “I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before. The IRS has been so successful in the past, nailing gangsters, like Al Capone; entertainers, like Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes; and middle-class Americans, trying to scrape by. Now we can turn the wrath of the government on Republicans and the media. I can get whatever I want through Congress in record time.”

White House spokesperson, Seeit Myway, added, “We are tired of the news changing our press releases and telling the truth. That’s not what the people want to hear. Now if we catch wind of an unfavorable story, we can send in the IRS and threaten bankruptcy!”

Democratic chairman, Lefty Bygod, remarked, “This latest initiative is brilliant. We are always getting outspent by Republicans in political races. How can we get all our asses into office when those damn elephants have all the cash? Now all we have to do is send in the S&D squad and transfer their funds to us. We’ll never lose another election!”

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Footnotes:

1)  A.P. printed this wire story exactly as released, in its entirety, word for word, without any desperately needed rewrites or editorial comments under extreme financial duress.

2) Author remarks: Obviously, this is a poorly written satire on political current events and nothing like this could ever happen in America today…now could you please remove my phone tap and cancel the audit?

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Richard Allan Jones is an author, actor and musician who resides in the Los Angeles area. “Drafted” by Rich Allan is available at amazon.com. He appears in the upcoming HBO movie, “Behind the Candelabra,” and plays locals clubs with the 60s classic rock band, Revolution Road.

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Taxation Without Representation

I hate April. I just dropped off my taxes at the post office, and it started me thinking about big government and the whole “fair share” process. Remember in 1773 when our forefathers got together and dumped tea in Boston Harbor to protest the concept of taxation without any say in how the money was spent?  Here we are in 2013, 240 years later….and nothing has changed. We still pay taxes without representation. Be honest, are you happy with how they spend your $$s in Sacramento or Washington? Did anybody ask your opinion?

Think about it. We send all this money to the state capitol and D.C., and then our representatives call us up and ask us how we would like our contributions to be spent…no, wait a minute, that’s not right. I don’t think my representative has ever contacted me. In fact, I’m not sure who they are (state or Federal). Do you know who your representatives are?  I’m sure I vote for somebody every two years, but can’t remember any names.

I know, you’re saying, I have to take some responsibility, look up who was elected, and make my feelings heard…and I have done that upon occasion. But it somehow feels like a drop in the ocean. You get a nice letter, thanking you for your suggestions, but your rep continues to vote the party line.

I protest. Now I don’t plan on dressing up like an Indian and dumping Texas tea (street value of $255 an ounce for the good stuff) into the Port of Los Angeles, or refusing to pay my taxes, but something needs to be done.

I have an idea. What if our local representatives, threw a big kegger party every year for all the voters in their district, the first Friday night after April 15th? They could meet all their constituents, we could learn their names, tell them what we support (or hate) in government, and at least get something for all that tax money.

If we could all write a letter and ask…who knows?9326220-the-democrat-and-republican-symbols-of-a-donkey-and-elephant-facing-off